(Note: For those of you who are confused as to why there is a pic of a single toothed woman at the top of this post, this is an experiment. I'm taking pics submitted by friends, and attempting to use them to inspire me to write. If you'd like to participate please send me an image and I'll see what I can do.)
So many questions come to mind when looking at this image. First of course is the obvious, "What happened to her teeth?" To this there are any number of plausible and, let's face it, boring explanations for what exactly happened. (i.e. Illness, lack of brushing/flossing, has literally no idea what the word "dentist" means...) But for the moment let's try to think outside the box and see what we can come up with.
1) Jack Bauer was torturing her for information about a loose nuclear warhead held by terrorists in the US. (She finally broke on the next to last tooth.)
2) She's a sexual submissive with a strong fetish for pain and dentists. (Think Bill Murrary in Little Shop of Horrors.)
3) She's in the witness protection program, and her case officer thought this would be the best way to make her unrecognizable.
4) She woke up in an alley in Tijuana missing most of her teeth... And a kidney!
5) She's from Virginia.
The second question that comes to mind is why does she still have the one tooth left. Admittedly I'm no oral surgeon, but I'd think that at this point it would be easier to simply yank that last tooth and just get fitted for a set of dentures.
Even odder is the fact that her last tooth is practically gleaming white. I'm actually willing to bet that she takes better care of that one shiny tooth than I have ever cared for any of the teeth in my head.
(Writing that down has suddenly given me a very strong desire to brush/floss my teeth. This woman could probably have a future visiting schools to warn impressible children about the dangers of tooth decay.)
Also just how does she eat? Is she on a liquid food diet at this point? If that's the case than how is she still overweight? Does dinner consist of a pureed Big Mac and fries? (Wow! That concept almost made me retch in my mouth!)
Perhaps I'm just over thinking the situation. It certainly wouldn't be the first time. Maybe she has dentures at home that she uses to eat. However if that was the case then why the hell wouldn't you just wear them when you went out? Admittedly I really don't care about my outward appearance. (If you've ever seen my wardrobe than you know the truth of this statement.) But even I would have the self respect to try and disguise my empty maw with fake teeth.
Or at the very least I would have kept my mouth shut.
And yet none of these are the main question on my mind. Believe it or not my main question has nothing at all to do with her lack of teeth, or her ownership of just one tooth. No, the most ponderous question in my mind is this, "Why the fuck is she holding her hand up like she's waiting for the teacher to call on her?"
Did someone come over the intercom asking for the toothless wonder to identify herself? Perhaps she was trying to get the attention of whomever had the camera, hoping that this was her big break. Or maybe, just maybe, she really knows the answer and can't wait to tell you.
The world may never know, and is probably better off that way.
(So ends my first part of this experiment. Let me know what you think, and if you have any submissions send them my way.)
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