An Explanation of Sorts

(Originally posted Monday, June 09, 2008)

(Note: This post is originally from my myspace page where for a short time I was going by the moniker "Fisto Aborto".)

So for those of you who actually read this shit, you might be wondering just who, or what, exactly a "Fisto Aborto".

This is going to be hard for me to explain without sounding like a horrible madman who needs to be locked away in the most damp and dirty cell ever created by the Greeks.

I would also like to point out that at no point in my 30 years of life have I ever punched a pregnant woman in the gut. Not once.

Though I have to admit I have thought about it.

Right about now, half of you are calling the FBI and having me put on some sort of watch list for deviant pre-mommy punchers. In fact I'm probably being watched right now.

At this point I'd like to introduce special agent Rick, the agent who has been assigned to track my movements. (Truthfully I have no idea what his real name is, but somehow I think he'd approve of Rick.) Everyone say, "Hi!" to Rick.

Now I know how fucked up this sounds. Hell I recently told a friend about this impulse, and he immediately told me that I should never under any circumstances mention this again. (So, of course, here I am writing about it on the internet.) But every now and again when I see that belly part of me, for a split second, imagines giving it a quick jab. Somehow in my mind it plays out like those fucking Pilsbary Doughboy ads. You know the ones I'm talking about. The little doughboy where you poke him in the stomach and he laughs. That's kinda what I imagine the preggies would do.

However, I quickly remember that there is, in fact, a fetus living in that woman's gut. And punching a fetus, while hilarious in a GWAR video, just isn't cool in real life.

So while I in no way advocate dropping a bomb on a no-vacancy womb, the darkest pit of my sense of humor gets a slight chuckle at the cartoon version of the idea.

And that's who Fisto Aborto is; the mobile one shot stop abortion clinic. He's like the most fucked up superhero ever. There for the poor and the weak who can't deal with the sudden responibility that has been thrust upon them. With one mighty punch Fisto Aborto saves the day.

Hey it's better than a baby in a garbage can.

So that what the name change is all about. It's a joke. Not real. You don't need to lock up your fertilized women when I'm around.

So tune in next week when I attack things that I truly am passionate about like kicking puppies and sodomizing heavily drugged tigers.

(Seriously I'm kidding. Tigers are fucking scary I don't care if they're drugged or not.)