Thoughts on Devilman

(Originally posted Sunday, January 25, 2009)

So believe it or not I've actually received a request to update this blog on a more regular basis. This is my attempt, such as it is, to fulfill that request. In the spirit of this new start I thought I'd do this just a little bit differently today. So instead of porn I'm going to do a review of a live action adaptation of a Japanese anime. Today's subject is Devilman.

Now some of you are probably wondering at this very moment, just who the hell is Devilman?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Devilman

There you go. Blog over. You can all go home now.

Your not going to let me go that easy are you.

Editor: You know they probably would. I, however, won't.

JESUS!!! Couldn't you knock or something when you come in. Fuck! You just scared 10 years off my life.

Editor: That just means that I'm 10 years closer to freedom.

You do realize that when I go, you go with me.

Editor: I embrace my oblivion with open arms. If it means being free of you.

Come on! I really can't be that bad, can I?

Editor: HAVE YOU EVER TRIED READING THOUGH THIS SHIT YOU POST?!!!! HAVE YOU?!!!! IT'S ALWAYS THE FUCKING SAME SHIT OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!! I HATE IT AND I HATE YOU!!!! (Begins sobbing hysterically.)

Uhh... Look I'm sorry. Really. I think maybe you and I just got of on the wrong foot. Wow, you really are crying a lot aren't you? Do you want a hug or something?

Editor: Just go away. Miguel was the only one who ever understood me.

(Pondering.) Miguel?... Sorry, but, who the hell is Miguel?

Editor: YOU INSENSITIVE ASS!!!! Miguel was my Latin poet. A man with such depth and insight that to read his work was akin to looking into the face of God, and being comforted by his warmth and grace. He was a gift. The kind that only comes across once in a lifetime. And you took him from me. (Begins gently sobbing again.)

Wait a second... Are you talking about that day-laborer that you tried to replace me with? The one, who, correct me if I'm wrong here, was writing Pokemon bondage porn in Spanish. Is that who you're talking about?

Editor: You never understood his genius. You couldn't see past the mythical animals in fetish wear beating and penetrating each other. Your small brain couldn't see to the glory that resided within the pages.

Okaaaay... As I recall you couldn't even read anything he wrote. I mean it was all in Spanish after all.

Editor: WHY MUST YOU TEAR DOWN EVERYTHING GOOD IN MY LIFE?!!!! Why can't you let me have one bit of happiness?

Well, if it makes you feel better, last I heard the authorities hadn't managed to catch him yet. At this very moment he's probably running free across the plains like a wild chihuahua. The wind in his hair. The fleas on his ass.

Editor: You really think so?

Uh... Sure?

Editor: Do you think he'll ever come back to me?

If he's as special as you seem to think I'm sure he'll be back.

Editor: Then we can finally get rid of your worthless ass!!!

You know what?!!! Fuck you! I tried to be nice! I tried to make things easier for you! But you know what? Fuck that!

(Pulls out a piece of paper and hands it to the editor.)

Editor: What's this?

An arrest report. It seems your boy got caught at a local Toys R Us two weeks ago, compulsively force fucking the entire plush toy aisle. Within the hour his teddy bear fucking ass was on a plane back home. And as you know in his county they don't look to kindly on the sexual abuse of stuffed animals. I'd say Miguel is in for a rough homecoming, wouldn't you?

Editor: (Trembling uncontrollably.)

You like that?!!! That's the sweet chewy goodness of justice you're tasting right now!!! Go ahead suck on it for a while. This is proof that the system works. You do not fuck with freedom! I don't care how sexy his accent was.

Editor: Did he say anything before they took him?

"Que?"